BEGGAR?? i am,INDEED...

" Don't beg me coz you're not a BEGGAR~ "

i dont do this begging thing, not that ur eyes cn see. but deep in my heart, and i suppose evry1 too, they are all asking (begging) others to really care about them, too really love them.

" Don't wait for me coz I don't have a waiting list~ "

in other words, you are telling me to go away. CORRECT me if i'm wrong. but i believe its too late now. i'm going now and i'm happy for you. i'm happy for you if you think this is the right thing for you and for me.

" Don't come for as you are LOWER, you won' have me as your SUPERIOR~ "

i'm here, down low. i never want you to be my superior. i just need you to guide me. it just you who keep telling yourself that YOU WANT TO FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD, to be a superior. if that's what you really want, now you're getting it from her. and for that, I am happy for you.

" Come and earn me as EQUAL~ "

EQUAL = FAIR.... never ending story huh? we can never be EQUAL= SAME. why you never realise this? its ok. i am really happy for you and her. i will definitely pray for both of you to have a happy ending. Aminnnnn~~

" Won't have you if I still look down on you, COZ I'M AFRAID OF YOU~~~ "

THANK YOU, after more than 3years, now finally you say it. THANK YOU...






***** i am dying. i really am. but the other part of me, i am relieved. I AM. ;D

STUPIDITY~

lalalalala.. dudududuu...

was reading, and came across these interesting lines....

SHARING IS CARING, aite??? hehe..

1
Don't cry for a guy, let a cry guy for you, because girl give and forgive but guys get and forget~

i wish for this 1 to be SO TRUE. haha.. yet we cant really apply this in every relationship aite?? LOL

2
No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.

SO TRUE. 100% agree with this 1. hehe.... CHOICE. so peeps, MAKE UP UR MIND!!! ;p

tats all for now~

... USED vs. LOVED ...

come across this post from my friend's blog. THANKS Min!

**xdenye ak brani nk tampo ko. n i wil pray for u to b a prime minister. LOL. *i will!

friends, do read~

A story of life...

While a man was polishing his new car,
his 4 yr old son picked up a stone
and scratched lines on the side of the car.



In anger, the man took the child’s hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father…..
with painful eyes he asked, ‘Dad when will my fingers grow back?’
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions….. .
sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;
the child had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’.

Anger and Love have no limits;
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely
life & remember this:
Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
The problem in today’s world is
that people are used while things are loved.

Let’s try always to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used,
People are to be loved.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

14 APRIL 2010

hehe..me very the gewdixx at the moment. CANT HELP IT!! ha ha

act,I'm kinda worry...about him going for his training later on June.
this GF,the KUAT JELES 1 keep thinking that;
**he might forget about me.
**he might repeat the same mistake he did (lied 2me cz afraid that i will get upset n worry like DA&* crazy)
**he might find some1 better than me. ( and obviously,sure ADA la kan? sob3 )

he fetched me from the hospital this evening.then we had dinner together.
so i took that chance to tell him bout my worries. AS ALL ABOVE~~

and like always he m'bebel about the famous OLD ME..... BUT
then he smile and said, "saya pergi training,so THATS IT,nak kerja dah lepas tu kan.."..

and me?? a bit LEGA laaa... just a bit. heheh

after that he took me for a ride,jalan2 je.
in the car he hold my hand and said, 'saya sayang awak, Nadia'..
n i was like... SUKE3!!!!!
i appreciate it dear. i know its hard for u to really say those 3words.
n for today,i keep it in this blog.

wish this would last.
wish we get thru all obstacles n finally be 2geta.

AMINN~~~

APRIL '10

hye~~~
yeah2..i didnt update my blog for a longggggggggggggg time.
too bz+ lazinesss~~~

so..
let jz say..
life have been OKAY,so far.
sure theres many problems tho.like owez (financial probs,friendship,love life,family,WORK)...
i just dont have the idea on how to put it all down...

FINANCIAL
***there is HUGE increase (rent) in my so called 2nd home in shah alam (triple than usual) !!! due to PAIP BOCOR~~~
***need lotsa money this month since its my final months here in shah alam and DEMC. need to buy SOMETHING for those in our department. ("-.-)

FRIENDSHIP
***met many of my primary n highschool classmates, HAPPY!!!!! (even thru FB.hehehe)

LOVE LIFE
***going SMOOTH....going nice and steady with the flow.
*** in <3 (^^,)

FAMILY
***those in JB miss me so much.hahah! i miss them too. LIKE CRAAAAAAAAAAAAZY!!!
***wishing this would last FOREVER~~~

WORK
***final week in DEMC. (shud be ended on April 16)
***have to replace 4days due to MC's,so i'll only goin back to JB after 20. **sob3**


so...WHAT ELSE?????

ouh.....its APRIL okay??
i mean, APRIL.
GOT IT??
thehehehehehehe


mode>> SO DAMN EXCITED

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN"T LOOKING~~~

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw you hang my 1st painting on the refrigerator,
and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I heard you say a prayers,
and I knew there is a GOD I could always talk to,
and I learned to trust in HIM.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick,
and I learned that we all have to help to take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it,
and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw how you handled your responsibilities,
even when you didn't feel good,
and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt,
but it's alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw that you cared,
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know
to be a good and productive person when i grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I looked at you and wanted to say,
"THANKS FOR ALL THE THINGS I SAW WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING."

~~ ???? ~~

CLUELESS~~~~

idk wat to think..
i have no 1..
no 1...

i'm so LONELY~~

desperate??idk..

y is it so hard?
how to make things right??

i'm dying...
yeah..this feeling makes me dying..

u dont want me,u want me
u love me,u hate me
u said 1'm d only 1,u said u just cant

i'm already GONE..did i??
but i've came back.

u still there,right?
or is it wrong?

so wat should i do?
wat should i say?
wat do u want?

FAIR~~

u keep saying about that.
wats wrong wit u??y dont u understand?y is it so HARD???

i dont ask much..
i hope u'l bring a BETTER FUTURE in my life..
i dont want to FALL on my face AGAIN..

if u want to go,please go.for REAL.

i never promise u that i'l change like u did,n u lied.
i nvr promise anything,but i'd try my best to b better but somehow u changed too.to some1 else n u said bcoz u want to b FAIR.
wth is that??

REVENGE??
dont u know wat i'v gone thru?
wat i really feel?
yes..idk yours too.
but wat u do now,its killing me.

should i say THANKS to u?
can i ask for MORE of it?

and...


ARE U HAPPY DOING ALL THIS???
SATISFY maybe???


in my past,i FALL like trillions times (u know the whole story)..
n i know its bcoz me my stupid belief n ego n everything.
then i found u,lost u,came back to u,away from u,giving chance 2u,GONE,came back..

n u?wanted to b FAIR?
dont u ever think that u DOUBLEing my PAIN just bcoz u want to b fair??
wat do u get from doing all that??wat shud i think of u?
hw cn i trust u?depend on u?look up to u?

HOW???

>>>>> here i m, AGAIN~~~

ok..i did say i'm not gona write ABOUT LOVE..ok,i have to cancel dat 1.
i loves bein in love.i hate being on my own.
it just ME.SELFISH me~~

how shud i put it down in words?
i broke up wit d last guy,last dec.
found out that i just cant stand him. NO CHEMISTRY.

ouh..wat i learn from that r'ship is, i need:
>> an educated guy
>> a confident and hardworking guy
>> honest
>> most importantly, LOVE me n ACCEPT me.

cut it SHORT, after sometime breaking up wit d latest guy,i get in touch wit my ex,d 1 dats suppose 2noe me by heart....

its not easy..after some complicated issues n STUPID acts done,we somehow getting back together.

i must say i did think of wat people might say about THIS behind my back, u know, i dump him, then come back to him.n all that stuff~~~

n of coz,his feelings.he saw me walk to another guy n now i'm walking to him.i understand that.
I AM,REALLY....

but i remains silent,refuse to think about it,refuse to talk about it coz i dint do it on purpose or bcoz i want it.

IT IS NOT THAT!

i just dont to talk about it cz i thought he undrstand that those things come from him too.
i've walk away, FOR REAL! n i came back.

1>> he know i love him so damn much.he saw all sacrifation i'v done.
2>> he keep questioning my social life (wher i obviously get IT under control)
3>> i walk away coz he WANTED TO BE THE OLD ME. 'being FAIR'. dats wat he wants.
4>> i came back coz i hv no 1 to trust,to share everthing with, to understand except him.and he know that very well.

but idk.me,myself...SELFISH??CHEAP??SLUT??PIECE OF SHIT??

idk...


I REALLY DON'T... T.T

If I changed my mind,
if I changed my faith,
every time a stop light signaled
each time I made mistakes
I don't think that I
would be where I am today
I live my life without regrets
what you see is
what you see is what you get
And I'm

Unashamed of the life I lead
unashamed of the strength on my knees
of choices I've made,
of the love that I've saved
of the things I've done,
my belief in the One
Unashamed of the words of my friends,
i know who they are
make mistakes, make amends
follow my instincts, my star
on my sleeve i wear my heart
unashamed

Adding up my life, it totals all my dreams
I'm counting all my blessings
and the gifts I have received
Still there's always someone
something to overcome
Took all my life to understand
that I am what I am, who I am
unashamed

(Do you)
do you wanna know how it goes?
Do you wanna control how I feel?
Do you wanna stay in my life?
Then listen here, and listen good,
you got to get it,
got to get it right!
I'M Unashamed

(say what you want)

~~ i have a PRIVACY concern ~~

just deleted my Facebook, Friendster, and Myspace Acc...
reason??? as in this POST title.

i d k wat to do
wat to think
wat shud i feel

selfish?
cheap?
too friendly?
daring?
not sensitive?

darn it! tears go away. please~~

juz a lil clue on hw i'm actually feel...

Share my life, take me for what I am
Coz I'll never change all my colors for you
Take my love, I'll never ask for too much
Just all that you are and everything that you do

You see through, right to the heart of me
You break down my walls with the strength of your love
I never knew love like I've known it with you
Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to?

I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
I Can't run from myself
There's nowhere to hide
Your love I'll remember, forever

Well,don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me no...
Don't walk away from me
Don't you dare walk away from me
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you
Thank you, thank you very much!


***reactivated my FACEBOOK~~

...PIECES of LIFE...

duno wher to start..
i miss HOME

miss them




want to back to JB... TT

ouh, last week LAWI n me went to Kuala S'gor (got the chance to see his high school, KUSESS)


then we went tu Bukit Malawati



n then, I CITY


dats all 4 diz post~~

MYSELF...

1st Ramadhan... again. Alhamdulillah.. =)

but i cry a lot, starting from habis tarawikh til asar tadi. hehe...

let u go.. let me go. wil we do it? i mean, for real?? its not easy. never will.. i d k..

me..
i never end up wit some1 i like. but whoever willing to stay, to love, to care, to protect me, then i'l stay with him...

me..
emotional.... kuat merajuk. kuat jealous..

me..
willing to listen to whatever her love 1 need to say.

me..
doesn't like to b alone. never want to b alone.

me..
doesn't like to b ignore n hanging on something where ther is no concrete reason or answer..

me..
wil b COMPLETELY crazy wenever she emotional. she willing to say the most dirtiest thing on earth but she'll recover soon after she let everything out of her chest..

me..
quite a good drama queen... wil say dat she'll harm herself just to keep some1 she love, to keep him stay..


now she's on her own again. falling again. with no 1 lend her a hand.

to u.. i do love. wish i can get over u..

to some1 out there, my savior (maybe??).. this is me.

i'm sorry..

THE PROPOSAL

wat a weekend..

i didnt see him for a week. bored like hell.

til dat saturday nyte he text me n ask me to get ready for tomorrow. A DATE!! weeeee.. =p

i miss him. i'm excited til i didnt sleep dat nyte. LOL!! yet fall asleep at 5am. ngeee

so the day is here!!
woke up at 9am... mandi manda..
and he arrived at 11.30am (an hour and half LATE)..

we went to stadium melawati for the bazar..
then to bukit tinggi, wathing THE PROPOSAL!!! =)

mannnnnnn... its hilarious!! i swear. its all ther. comedy, romance, action. GREAT!!

i love it!!!

so thats my weekend.. =)

THE RULES!!!

1. The female always makes the rules
2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects the MALE know all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a result of something the male did or said wrong.
7. The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
8. The female may change her mind at any time.
9. The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.
13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
14. Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.
15. If the female has PMS, all the rules are null and void.
16. The female is ready when she is ready.
17. The male must be ready at all time.
18. The male who doesn't abide by the rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

.. UPS and DOWNS ..

in a fight, broke up and like always, we get back together.. AGAIN.

yup. wenever we get in a fight, we end up maki2, n blaming each other. telling ourself, 'THATS IT!!' not going to get back or give u another chance. u know? the EMO me... =)

ouh this time, i thought he got another girl, too afraid that he'll 'kantoi' so he digging up the past & put all the blame on me. i was like "Y ALL THE SUDDEN U GET UPSET? PMS?". after few days, went to see his click, IZ. from Iz i got to know that he actually jealous. DAMMIT!! is it so hard to say that ur jealous????

thats him. always make things complicated.

then i met him, dinner, talk, heart to heart. EASY isnt it? just tell me la sayang, jangan tibe2 nak ngamok, mngalahkan saya PMS.



p/s.. Y after all i've been through, all the pain, I still get back with him? FAITH. coz i have faith in him.

i love you...

LOVE ???

curi frOm QIQI. LOL..

His Birthday: September 8, 1985

How long have you been together? TOGETHER? hurm.. 1 year and 3months..

How long did you know each other before you got together? a month. LOL!!

What physical features attracted you to him first? His height. His skin colour. his smile. *wink2*

Hair color: black.

Hair style: adesh.. yang ni susa nk explain. wawawawa

How did you know each other? from Mat Top. huhu


RELATIONSHIP STUFF

How serious is it: KINDA

Are you in love?: err.. yeap.

Do your parents like him: i d k.

Does it matter?: suppose to.

Do you trust him? Yes, i do.

Do you like the way he smells: hehe.. ya.

Can you picture having kids with him: yup. a girl>> BASMA. a boy>> dunno yet

Does he have a temper? yes. but i have bigger 1. m i?? lol

Are you happy to be with him: yes.

Does he embarrassed you in public: ALWAYSSSSSSS... nah.. joking.


SOME OTHER STUFF

Does he have any piercings?: its a NO NO.

Does he have any scars that you know of?: yup.. a lots.

Is he a party dude or stay at home kind of guy?: home kind of guy..

Is he Outgoing or Shy? outgoing. he love to try to do new things. =)

Does he love his mama? Yes, anak mak.

Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? not really. depends la. if he know them, then he'll join us.

Does he sing? yea!!!

Does he snore? i d k.

Do you like his friends? yup2..

> weekend >

lambat update. huhu...

last weekend, i spent it with my big sis, kak win, her hubby and the kids, hassan, lana, n liyana.

didnt see them for almost 6months, since the kids got school and stuff. now they r having their summer break til october. yay!!!!!!!!!!

ouh.. i went there with Lawi. he got to get to know my brother in law and of course my big sis.
so he got to talk in arabic wit my bro... (i know he miss doing dat)
he got to play wit the cutest kids in the world. (dats my nephew n my nieces..MINE <dats wat liyana love to say. haha)
but he didnt spend the nyte with us (obviously he CANT!).
he went back home after SHISHAING with fareed, k.win, k.aini n her hubby (my bro in law frens)..


so the next day...

we walk to PAVILLION, KLCC... window shopping. huhu
buy something..
went back to the hotel.
change.
heading to the swimming pool.
floating>>>> teach lana how to float >> and liyana too coz she wil do anything dat her sis n bro does. aihhh..
swimming

at nyte...

*watching SMALLVILLE>>>> lana was so excited bcoz of LANA LANG. duhhh
*games>>>> 1,2,3 game (Lawi teach diz game to the kids n they'r ADDICTED to it!! mannnn)
*song>>>> ur my hunny bun sugarplum pumpy yumpy yumpkin, u're my sweetie pie.. yada3... (lana makes me sing this all nyte long. liyana keep dancing. haha.. so cute..)
**ouh.. we ate KFC. heheh

the next day...

*late for breakfast...
*check out.
*went to KL Sentral.
*K.win and Fareed dcide to go back to JB by train.
*too many probs turn up, but at last, its DONE!
*they get in the train to johore bahru at 2pm, n i'm in RAPIDKL to shah alam at 2.15pm. lucky me. =)

its a great weekend... fiuhhhhhhhh

... u used to ...

i'm doing well so far. its not easy. Ratna, ni nko punya pasal asyik sebut2 nama dia, maka sedikit sebanyak, aku teringat. aku mampu senyum jela. tak daya nak buat apa2. patah kata Abang Megat>> NKO NI MEMANG TAKDE PERASAAN EA???

lols.. a'ah. aku takde perasaan. if ada sekali pun, ada yang nampak? ada yang faham? (mari gelak sama2. wakakaka)

masa jungle tracking, teringat dia. he loves nature so much, but now i'm in the jungle doing the adventure, on my own. terfikir, if i tell him my experience, mau dia buat muka, jealous, merajuk, marah. i d k.
apa lagi yang mampu aku buat? SENYUM saje.. =)

life is hard. LOVE sucks. FRIENDSHIP last forever. am i right?? =)

ouh.. another shocking event. his ex, after more than a year i'm trying to b friends with her, at last she's the 1 who want to be friends! i'm suprise, she rejected me like.. TRILLIONS time! and now, after EVERYTHING, she wanted to be friend.

LIFE IS FULL OF SUPRISES!!!

apa lagi aku mampu buat? senyum saje.. =)

so, i accept it. i just hope my life will not be miserable anymore.

friends, thats all i need for now...

this is for you, you used to make it real. =) thanks for the memories.

You Make It Real

There's so much craziness surrounding me,
There's so much going on it gets hard to breath
When all my faith has gone you, bring it back to me,
You make it real for me

Well I'm not sure of my priorities,
I've lost sight of where I’m meant to be
And like holy water washing over me,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong, but my heart is weak,
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can't find the words, you teach my heart to speak,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me

Everybody's talking in words I don't understand,
You got to be the only one, who knows just who I am
And you're shining in the distance,
I hope I can make it through
Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more I have to learn,
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can learn,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
Cause you are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me
You make it real for me

... Do You Agree??? ...

i came across this statement in a magazine. and somehOw, i agree with it. what abOut you??

Lelaki memberikan CINTA, untuk mendapatkan segala-galanya.

Perempuan memberikan segala-galanya, untuk mendapatkan CINTA...

Man gave their LOVE, to get everything.

Woman gave up everything, just to get LOVE..

... PUBLIC SPEAKING AND MIMI!!! ...

1>> me, 2>>ugly me, again, 3>> with mr.AZRUL 4>> MIMIE!!!!!

.. LOVE SUCKS!! ..

okay.. like always, when i talk about love, its all about fighting, breaking up and hook up, AGAIN AND AGAIN.

told u what? i'm sick of it. i really do. it just, i need someone. i don't like to be alone.

and now i have my lovely RATNA, KAK ROSE, KAK NONA, MILA and ADA.

i love them. thanks for being a good listener. thanks for being there.

to you, i don't hate you. i hate myself. you're a good guy but i'm not the 1 and i think i need more than just a GOOD GUY. so, i hope this time, its for real. bye bye to US and hye to YOU. =)